The polls are closed, the votes are counted, and the results are in. First off, as reported earlier, there was a serious attempt at election fraud by one party. Our efforts to get Jimmy Carter to oversee the election failed, but we managed to work around that. We did hear back from the Carter Library and they did promise to pass our request on to President Carter, however, they pointed out that IF we got a response, it would be 8-10 weeks. I just hope I'm not on some "do not fly list" now.
So here is the final count of the popular vote. It appears to be a landslide for the "Don't Wash it Party". There were 63 votes "Don't wash" and 15 votes "Wash it". In addition, there were a few we classified as "hanging chads". In other words, we were sure what they meant, but still able to argue there is a micron of doubt. These were votes like "Burn it", "Stop running", "Burn it on Lloyd's head", "Wash, dye, and hot glue frillys on it", etc., you get the idea.
Notice I said earlier, it APPEARS to be a landslide for the "Don't Wash it Party". After a recount using the Red State, Blue State, Electoral College thingy, it turns out the majority vote winner did, indeed, lose the election! HOW CAN THIS BE?! This is only the second time I have seen this happen in my lifetime, and the first time was an unmitigated disaster.
Sadly, in order to preserve the union, I am conceding the election and offering my congratulations to the "Wash it Party" candidate. I am worried the next several years are going to be very painful without my lucky cap.